Sunday, June 24, 2012

On edge

I am on edge and everything is making me cry and my heart hurts.  We had a scare last night with Norah's angel care monitor-she is fine but I really lost it.  As in, couldn't stop crying for hours lost it.  Why do I have to live in a world where babies die?  Why did one of my babies have to die?  Why do any of us have to live here?  It's not fair.  I hate that my eyes have been opened up to this harsh reality--it sucks.

9 comments:

Jen said...

Cooper is 31.5 months old and we're still using the angelcare monitor. We've had 4 false alarms and it really takes a long time for the adrenaline to come down! I've heard people say they don't want to use angelcare monitors because of the false alarms but I'll take a false alarm any day to not knowing if he needs me...

Sorry for the scare! ((hugs))

Caroline said...

Wish I was there to give you a big hug. Doesn't help with your emotions all over the place with Harper's Birthday so close anyway. Around 9 months we stopped using the motion sensor on the AngelCare because we kept getting so many false alarms with how much Finn moves and how he managed to just get into a corner where it couldn't detect him.

Sorry you had a rough night friend.

Emily said...

Hum...that's odd. The past couple of nights our Angelcare monitor has rang off too (it has NEVER gone off before) and when I go and check, Kaia has usually scootched down to the end of her bed and is stretching or otherwise moving around. My husband went in the other day and she was awake, had rolled right to the end of the bed and looking at the monitor as it was going off. Definitely breathing.

I know the monitor has a hard time picking up if there is TOO MUCH movement going on. I think it's programmed to sense a rhythmic motion and if it can't find that, it's like finding NO movement. We found this out when we had it in the bottom of Kaia's bassinet and when we would rock her a certain way for longer than 20 seconds it would sometimes ring off like it wasn't sensing movement. We also wondered if there is a weight limit on it? Tonight is the first night that she is going to sleep without it at home (she's slept without it before when she's slept in her Pack & Play at the cottage). However, seeing the comment above, I don't know if the weight limit is a problem. Kaia's only 19 lbs or so.

I'm sorry you were scared. Did it appear that Norah actually wasn't breathing when you got to her or did just the ringing scare you?

It does seem a little suspicious that our girls are about the same age corrected (Kaia was supposed to be born Sept 1st) and are just now triggering the alarm. Unless you have a real reason to suspect it picked up something real, I think you can probably chalk it up to her moving a lot.

Hope it doesn't go off again for you.

LauraJane said...

I'm sorry you had a scare. I wrote to another BLM about my neuroses as I had a freak out last night bc I couldn't see Grace's chest moving, despite the fact her Snuza didn't sound... you might want to check out the Snuza- it clips right onto the diaper and so you can't really go off the alarm unless it falls off, which isn't easy when you're a baby... :)

Seriously though, this fear of losing another one is beyond terrifying.

Drew's Parents said...

I'm sorry you had such a scare, Rhiannon. I am glad that Norah is okay and that it was just the monitor being overly sensitive. I wish we could all live with the blissful ignorance that comes from having all of our children alive and well. It's not fair at all. Sending you big big hugs. xoxo

Crystal said...

I remember the first time Cameron's went off (and that was before I had lost a child). I freaked out! It took me hours to calm down. I ended up sleeping in the rocker beside his bed that night.

Glad to hear everything was okay!!!

Priscilla said...

I'm sorry you had to go through that last night! The false alarms are always rough. :( I hope Norah was able to sleep right through the loud alarm.

Thinking of you lots with Harper's Birthday around the corner. <3<3<3

Dana said...

I'm sorry you went through that, it must have been so scary.

Thinking of you a lot these days. I hope that today is as peaceful as possible.

rebecca said...

So sorry, what an unsettling experience and so close to Harper's birthday likely brought even heavier emotions to the table. Sending so much love your way, hoping you're feeling surrounded by love and peace.

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