****Possible triggers in this post****
We found out three weeks ago on January 10th that Harper is going to be a big sister! I am 7 weeks pregnant with our rainbow baby!
I managed to talk my OB into seeing us much earlier than she wanted to so we could rule out another blighted ovum. The fear of that happening again was overwhelming. So last Wednesday at 6 weeks and some change we got to see our Pooh Bear, as we are affectionately calling him/her, flickering away on the ultrasound screen. What a relief that was! Of course there are a million other worries but right now we are just happy to know that there is somebody home!
We are full of so many emotions -- joy, hope, fear and sadness. Joy for the little life that is growing and the hope that we might get to bring this baby home with us. Fear that the worst will happen again and we will lose this baby, too. Sadness for the dear one who is not here with us.
I know a lot of moms expecting a rainbow baby start a new blog but I am not planning to. Harper is and will always be a part of this baby's story and it isn't possible to separate the experiences. Harper has and continues to shape our lives. I hate to lose any of my readers but I totally understand that it can be painful to read about someone's pregnancy in the midst of loss.
For those reading that have not experienced a loss, please understand that this baby in no way could ever replace Harper. And that just because we are expecting another baby, we are not automatically "better". We still grieve and hurt for the daughter that we lost, we always will. Creating another life doesn't take that pain away, their lives aren't interchangeable.
I borrowed this from Angela's blog: "Rainbow Baby" is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.
I realize that it is extremely early and anything can happen but right now we are hopeful and trying to enjoy every minute of this pregnancy that we are blessed with.