I have received a few very sweet emails over the last couple of weeks from mamas who have recently found my blog. Telling me that they have been "touched by Harper's story" and that "we are an inspiration". My heart is touched beyond words that these ladies have taken the time out of their lives to reach out and say hello and to let me know that there are people out there still reading Harper's story and finding comfort and hope in it.
I started this blog last summer because I wanted a place for Harper, a place to honor her and celebrate her. A place to come to and express myself without the worry of being judged because everyone here understood what I was going through. A place where I could talk about her as much as I wanted to without making anyone uncomfortable. I needed a place to scream out loud and find support in my grief. I also wanted to reach out to other BLMs and to show my support for them with hopes that in telling our story someone would find comfort in it and know that we are walking this journey together, that we are not alone. And to (hopefully) help those that were not walking in my shoes to better understand what I was going through.
I did, I found tons of support from some AMAZING women I had never actually 'met' but felt (still do!) such a closeness and kinship to, who have also had to say good bye to their sweet babies too soon. Women who I feel closer to than some friends that I have known for years. These mamas understand me and make me feel 'normal' and it is such a blessing to have them in my life. I also found support from some real life friends who had not experienced this type of loss but cared enough to try and understand how my life was different now.
I wanted people to know that it is OK to talk about our babies and our grief and to ask us how we are doing. I wanted others to know that not talking about Harper hurt more than the tears that would well up in my eyes when her name did come up in conversation because talking about her assured me that people weren't forgetting her. Talking about her, though hard at times, brought and still brings me much comfort.
Now, as we are going through our rainbow pregnancy and all the feelings and emotions that come along with it, the support has not wained. It has been incredibly important to express my thoughts and get some things off my chest in regards to being pregnant again. To say out loud that Pooh is not a replacement for Harper nor would I ever expect her to be. That happiness for one child does not take away the grief and longing for the other. That Harper will always be our first born and Pooh will know all about her big sister in Heaven. That we love both of our children and always will. That pregnancy after loss is a terrifying ride but an experience that I am thankful for everyday.
I realize I am kind of rambling and I am not really sure where I am going with this but I guess I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you letting me vent on more occasions than I can count and for making me feel like my vent was completely warranted. Thank you for all of your love, kind words, and understanding. Thank you for remembering my sweet Harper and for celebrating the life of her precious baby sister. Thank you for abiding with me. Lots of love. <3
21 hours ago