Friday, August 19, 2011

Reduce.Reuse.Recycle?!?

I have had two different people ask me if we are planning on "reusing" Harper's name for Pooh.  This question is unbelievable to me.  Why would we reuse her name?  That is her name, it is the name we gave to her.  People with living children don't name their kids the same thing, do they?  Of course not.  So, why would we?

It just brings back to the surface that most people really just don't get it.  Do they think that just because Harper passed away that she doesn't count anymore or that her name doesn't belong to her because she is not alive?  Do they not understand that she is our first born and always will be?  That just because she died doesn't mean that she isn't a person.  That we love her, planned for her, wanted her, and still miss her so much that it hurts.

Every time I hear about another little girl who is given the name, Harper, it stings me and it kind of ticks me off (like I have rights to the name Harper, or something).  And I suppose it will always feel this way.  "Harper" is a name that has been gaining in popularity over the last 9 months or so, which I attribute to a few celebrity babies.  For us, it was a family name and when we chose it for our girl, it wasn't popular at all.  It was my husbands great grand-father's middle name. His name was John Harper Johnson.  So I assume that it was a surname from that side of the family from long ago, since that is what southerners do. :)   It will always be a special name to us because it is our daughter's name.  It is the name we gave to her.  And her baby sister will have her very own, special name, too.  Well actually, she already does!  Stay tuned for that :)

11 comments:

Tiffany said...

wow. you are right, most people don't get it. :( and the only person i think that names all of their children the same thing is george foreman, but he's kind of a nut, so he doesn't count.

((hugs)) to you.

Tiffany said...

This is just insane. I don't even get why someone would say such a thing. You're completely right, they obviously do not understand at all. I love that you shared where Harper came from! Can't wait to hear what the next name will be!

The Anglin Family said...

People just don't get it! I don't know what posseses people to say things like that. Can't wait to find out what sweet Pooh's name is! I went to school with a Harper and she was named after her grandparents last name too. :) It's a beautiful name!

LauraJane said...

It's like people think what you're really "missing" in all of this was to name your baby girl Harper.. Rather than realizing this is a different baby who will have a different name..

Ad you're right, no one names their kids the same name (except the crazies), so why would you do that? GAH

Caroline said...

Just file it along with the 2,486 other stupid things that people unfortunately say after a loss. . . .sigh . . .

Love you, Harper, and sweet Pooh who I CANNOT WAIT TO MEET. . . SOON!

Danae said...

I understand the question, because we too have been asked the same thing, but we are opposites (and maybe we are a little weird) in the fact that we did give Cameron Bailey's name as her middle name. But, at the same time, let me explain why this is not completely weird in my family...Most everyone's name in my family (and some in Adam's too) are also someone else's in close relation.

My first name is my my great-grandma's (who was living when I was born, and who I grew up around until she passed when I was 5) and my middle name is my mom's middle name = me (Elizabeth Danae). My sister used her middle name as her daughter's middle name. We used my middle name as Bailey's middle name. And all names and how they were chosen, have a story, just like Harper's name has a story.

And while, yes, if Bailey would have lived, the future Cameron would not have had the middle name Bailey, we would have used another name (probably another close relative), but with Bailey being gone, we wanted to carry on the tradition of using a middle name and explaining the story behind why she has THAT middle name.

Our thoughts have always been that we want Cameron to share something with Bailey, and we will tell her the story of how she got her name, and she will always know that she has a big sister.

But, in the sense of using Bailey as Cameron's middle name, we have never felt like we were re-using her name. It has never felt that way. For us, it has always been carrying on a tradition that has been going for longer many generations.

Sorry for the long post...I don't know why, but I had that urge to feel like I needed to justify myself, and to let you know that I'm really not a crazy person. :)

I can't wait for Pooh to get here so her name can be revealed!

Natasha said...

People are so crazy and they really don't get it. It never ceases to amaze me the crazy things that are said to baby loss parents.

I love the meaning behind Harper's name by the way! So sweet! Can't wait to hear Pooh's name :)

xoxo

Drew's Parents said...

Wow. Some people are just clueless. It would be one thing to ask if Pooh was going to be named after her big sister (in the form of a middle name or Harper's middle name.) But "reuse?" I wish everyone understood that our babies are our children with individual stories and identities. <3 Sweet Harper <3
I am very anxious to hear what you have named Pooh Bear! Love to you!

Becky said...

I agree. people just don't get it. Liam's name is a complete family name also and as much as I love his name and sad he isn't here, it is still his name and always will be.
Who would name another child the same name as another? People just don't think.

car said...

It's just more proof that people who have never experienced loss think that a new baby somehow replaces the one who died. Completely insensitive.

And Danae, I am definitely considering giving this new baby Reid as a middle name just as you are giving Cameron the middle name Bailey, but I agree that it is a way to honor them, not reuse their names.

Melissa said...

Really? People are so unbelievable. I see that she is already here via FB and I am so glad.

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