Though I have so much to be thankful for this year, there is still a bit of sadness that permeates my soul. Tomorrow will mark 17 months since Harper has been gone physically from our lives. 17 months seems like such a long time and at the same time, not very long at all. I wish I had something new to say about her absence but I don't. It is still hard, I still miss her and wish she were here; these are things that will never change.
The holidays will be bittersweet this year. I have Norah and I am so excited about her first holiday season. She makes my heart sing with so much happiness and love every single day. At the same time I can't help thinking of our angel daughter and remember the absolute despair I felt in her absence last year. And even though a whole 17 months has come to pass, she is still missed. She will never be far from our hearts no matter how many months or years come and go.
As I reflect on the last year and all of the things that have happened and all that I have to be thankful for, my heart is so*very*full. As I type this, the sweetest baby girl sleeps across the room from me, cooing and smiling in her sleep as she dreams. She has brought so much joy into our lives, so much more than I ever could have imagined. And even though there have been many bumps and scrapes along the road (with many more to come, I'm sure), I am so thankful every day that I am so blessed to be living this life.
I shared this message found in a comic last year on Thanksgiving and I wanted to share it again:
4 comments:
I couldn't agree with you more. We made it a point to go to the cemetery today before we came home so we could have a moment with both Bailey and Cameron this Thanksgiving. Even though, we know she is always with us, there was something about going there...to her spot.
I am so glad you have Norah here with you and I know Harper is always in your thoughts and is always with you! <3
Bittersweet indeed. Sometimes I wonder if they will always be - well I'm sure they will be, but I guess I wonder how much. Will there be more sweet and the bitter gets less and less as times goes on? It's hard to say as tonight, this season, it's still just hard. I miss our babies who are together in Heaven, but like you, am so, SO thankful for the sweet ones here with us.
I hope that you and your family had a nice Thanksgiving and that Harper felt close. Time just seems to have made the pain manifest in new ways. That feeling of our little ones missing is still so strong.
I am so thankful for Norah and all of her rainbow friends!
I found your blog on faces of loss, faces of hope. I am so sorry for your loss. Harper is one of my favorite girl names. Your blog layout is really pretty. I too lost my baby, Lily Katherine, who was stillborn at fullterm on March 16, 2010. It's good to find people who 'get it' in the blogging community. I'd love to have you follow along on my blog as well; www.roseandherlily.blogspot.com
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