Sunday, January 30, 2011

Flicker





****Possible triggers in this post****




We found out three weeks ago on January 10th that Harper is going to be a big sister!  I am 7 weeks pregnant with our rainbow baby!


I managed to talk my OB into seeing us much earlier than she wanted to so we could rule out another blighted ovum.  The fear of that happening again was overwhelming.  So last Wednesday at 6 weeks and some change we got to see our Pooh Bear, as we are affectionately calling him/her, flickering away on the ultrasound screen.  What a relief that was!  Of course there are a million other worries but right now we are just happy to know that there is somebody home!  


We are full of so many emotions -- joy, hope, fear and sadness.  Joy for the little life that is growing and the hope that we might get to bring this baby home with us.  Fear that the worst will happen again and we will lose this baby, too.  Sadness for the dear one who is not here with us.  


I know a lot of moms expecting a rainbow baby start a new blog but I am not planning to.  Harper is and will always be a part of this baby's story and it isn't possible to separate the experiences.  Harper has and continues to shape our lives.  I hate to lose any of my readers but I totally understand that it can be painful to read about someone's pregnancy in the midst of loss.  


For those reading that have not experienced a loss, please understand that this baby in no way could ever replace Harper.  And that just because we are expecting another baby, we are not automatically "better".  We still grieve and hurt for the daughter that we lost, we always will. Creating another life doesn't take that pain away, their lives aren't interchangeable.  



I borrowed this from Angela's blog:  "Rainbow Baby" is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.


I realize that it is extremely early and anything can happen but right now we are hopeful and trying to enjoy every minute of this pregnancy that we are blessed with.  

23 comments:

Molly King said...

Congratulations! I've been reading your blog for the past several months and feel like I know you. You've been an inspiration to me and I appreciate you sharing all you do. I am so happy for you!!

rebecca said...

Congratulations, I'm so happy for you guys! I also felt it was important to maintain my same blog as I can't imagine separating these portions of my life, they are all part of what makes me who I am today. So glad you were able to get in to see your doctor and receive some reassurance. Heres to a blessedly uneventful nine months!

Melissa said...

I am sooo happy to hear this news Rhiannon and I pray that you will have a peaceful, and very uneventful 9 months.

Jill said...

As I saw this come up in my feed, I am a new reader of yours, and I was praying please let it me "the purple background" that I remember . And as I clicked, surely it was. Congrats! I am so very happy for you. Please, just take it a day at a time. I always was scared and looked at the "big picture" and it freaked me out. But go little by little, and do small goals, and you WILl get there! Cant wait to follow your journey in this pregnancy, and Harper Grace is watching above on her little brother or sister to come!

Andrea said...

Oh, I'm SO happy for you. This post made my evening! I'm happy you have already been able to see the baby. I'll be thinking of you even more in these early weeks and throughout your journey! Sending you love!

Melissa said...

Congrats! I'm so happy for you both! <3

Emily said...

I'm so happy for you. Hoping everything is smooth sailing from here on out.

Dana said...

I'm so happy and excited for you! I'm so glad that you got in earlier than your OB would have seen you. I completely understand your fear of another blighted ovum. I love the phrase "somebody is home".... that is exactly how it feels after you've had a blighted ovum. I also love that you are calling this baby Pooh Bear. It is just so cute.

The road ahead is long, but you are strong enough to take it. Harper will be with you every step of the way.

Oh, I love what you wrote on my blog about our lost baby helping to chose the spirit of our rainbow baby.

Angela said...

Another one! The pregnancy announcements are flooding in right now. I'm 7 weeks too! Happy for you, but I understand the stress, especially with your recent blighted ovum.

Lots of love, mama. We're in this together.

Violet1122 said...

Congratulations! What wonderful news! There is nothing quite like seeing that heartbeat flickering on the screen, is there?

Sending lots of love and prayers that all will go well, and your Pooh Bear will be in your arms in about 33 or so weeks!

Tiffany said...

o, rhiannon, i'm so so happy for you. congrats congrats! wishing you a boring pregnancy ♥

LetterstoClaire said...

That's amazing news, congrats to you and the hubby. Yay for Pooh Bear! :)

Ava's mummy said...

Oh wow, what truly fantastic news. I am so pleased for you and your beautiful family. I have no doubt that Harper will be a wonderful big sister.

Wishing you a very boring and uneventful eight months!

Sheri said...

Congratulations! I'm SO happy for you both! I wish you a wonderful pregnancy, look forward to the updates!

Big Love, Big Acceptance - or so I say said...

CONGRATS!!!!!!!! So excited and hopeful for you! I look forward to following Pooh Bear's journey. :)

Jennifer said...

Congratulations, Rhiannon! Harper will be a proud big sister. <3 <3 <3

Olivia's Mom said...

So so excited for you guys! Praying you have several uneventful months ahead with a healthy pregnancy. :)

butterflymom said...

Oh, hun...I am absolutely thrilled for you! :) I love knowing that a "flicker of hope" is in you....growing and anxiously awaiting the day that he/she can join you in this world. And I appreciate what you said regarding not starting another blog. You're right...this is part of Harper's story. And what a beautiful story it is. ((hugs and love))

Jenny said...

Oh congratulations! I'm so happy for you!

Drew's Parents said...

I am so so happy for you! Congratulations! I love how you describe your little one's heartbeat. Beautiful! <3 Harper will always be a part of this baby's story. This little one will know that she or her has a big sister looking over. I will be looking forward to hearing updates about your journey with pooh bear. <3 I am here for you, cheering you on and sending you and your little one lots of love, hope and prayers! xoxo

Michelle said...

congrats!! so happy for you :)

Our Journey said...

I just found your blog. I am so happy for you congrats! We lost our baby girl, Eden Grace, September 09 due to premature labor. We now have a rainbow baby boy through adoption. I can tell you that having your new baby will in no way replace Harper, but he/she will help in the healing journey! Many blessing to you!!
BTW, I was just telling my husband how I want to name our future daughter Harper Grace. In fact I wrote it in bible this morning and then I found your blog this evening. Wow!

Amanda said...

Oh my goodness!! I have been so off-line lately and just saw this! Congratulations! I am so happy and hopeful for you. I wish you health and happiness and relaxation. It's a long, emotional journey but as I sit here with Eleanor on my lap, it's worth the scariness and sadness and roller coaster emotions. /much love!

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