Saturday, February 5, 2011

Checking in

I haven't blogged since I shared my news so I wanted to check in.  I have been doing as well as can be expected, I think.  I have been so emotional and missing Harper so much.  Tears falling so much easier than they have in a while.  I know that this pregnancy won't be easy but I just wish that I could live in the naive state that I did with Harper.  Back when I just assumed everything would work out the way it was supposed to.  Unfortunately, I have learned the hard way that this is not how my life works.  I am so worried that something will happen to Pooh Bear, that my body will mess this up, too.  I suppose it is normal to feel this way after all that we have been through but it is so hard.

I go in for my first official appointment this Tuesday, the 8th.  I am excited and nervous all at the same time.  I hope our little Pooh is thriving and we get some good measurements and dates.  As of right now, my due date is set for September 20th...10 days before Harper's due date.  I am comforted and also a little freaked out by the fact that Pooh is following big sister's timeline.  I feel like it is Harper's way of giving her blessing.  I also realize that reaching milestones will be more difficult, especially around my birthday and Harper's...if we make it that far.

I have been feeling very pregnant, so that it definitely reassuring.  Being so nauseated has never made me so happy!

I am trying to accept that whatever the outcome is this time around, it is not up to me.  I have to learn to let go...easier said than done!  I will continue to do the best that I can for this little one and send all of the hope and positive energy I can muster to my little Pooh Bear.


butterflymom said...

Sending prayers your friend. Lots of hugs are being sent from Wisconsin. Keep growing, little Pooh Bear.

rebecca said...

Completely understandable feelings and emotions. Sending so much love your way and positive thoughts for your appointment Tuesday, hope you get some reassurance with that ((hugs))

Angela said...

I too have been so weepy. The shift in hormones has brought up a lot of emotions. I'll be thinking of you as your first appointment approaches.

Grow, baby, grow!

Dana said...

I was so weepy when I was pregnant with Cub, I knew I should be happier, but I lay on the couch every night and cried. I can only imagine how much after it will be again and how it is for you. Thinking of you often and hoping that everything goes well on Tuesday!

Drew's Parents said...

I am sending you lots of love, strength, and positivity. I know how unbearable the fear can be at times. My heart is with you and is full of hope! <3 I am cheering your little pooh bear on and am hoping that your appointment this week is a great one. (((Hugs)))

heidipaqu said...

Rhiannon, I couldnt post to the "I love you page" But I wanted too soo badly. As I sit in tears writing this and reading what you wrote I am so heartbroken and emotionally sad and happy all at the same time! The signs thing and the story behind that is just mind boggling and pure love! I believe she saw her daddy doing that every night!! And as I met you last night for the 2nd time :)I heard your story, but today I see your story and see your pain, and though I do not know what it feels like, having my own baby I can only imagine how it feels to lose your angel. And I know nothing will ever make it better but I am truly sorry for your loss and I pray that this new baby brings you sooo much joy and happienss! And even though Harper is gone, this new baby will be that much more special, Because if it were not for her, you would not have this new life breathing inside of you!! And I mean what I said at ice cream. Even though I know hope is what gets you through, Cales brother and Harpers new brother or sister WILL be here in June and September!!! You are in my thoughts and prayers! Love you and I am soo blessed to have met you!!

Sheri said...

It's funny how due dates work, I'm due 10 days after Olivia was born. I often think about what it would be like for them to have the same birth day. But I'm also hoping they won't be the same because I wouldnt want this baby's birthday to be filled with moments of sadness.

Glad to hear everything is going well!

Olivia's Mom said...

Many prayers being said for you and your little Pooh Bear. Being so close in dates can be bittersweet. I found myself on both ends of the spectrum when I ran into that with Liv/Jake. I pray that tomorrow's appointment goes well and you guys get to see a strong heartbeat!!! Maybe I'll see you there. ;)

JenJen said...

Congrats on your rainbow baby! I hope all goes well tomorrow at your appointment and I look forward to following you on this journey!

I know Harper will be watching over you and her brother/sister! xoxo

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