Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Ray of Light

Yesterday was a really good day!  I had my first "official" appointment with my OB and it went so much better than I had been planning.  I had it all played out in my head, so sure that I would receive some sort of bad news.  I had myself worked into such a tizzy that I almost threw up right before my appointment.  Luckily, I was greeted with big smiles and hugs when I got to the doctor's office as I met Chris and his Mom there.  I am glad that they were there to hold my hand as I am sure I would have been even more of a basket case had I been alone.

I braced myself for the ultrasound since the last time I was in this particular office and ultrasound room was when we got the news of our blighted ovum.  Bad memories.  Thankfully, that room redeemed itself.  Before I could even see anything on the screen I heard cries of joy, apparently my OB has quick eyes.  We saw our little Pooh Bear dancing around a bit on the screen and heard that most amazing sound, our baby's heartbeat!  At a very healthy rate of 167, it was music to my ears!!  Everyone was cheering and there wasn't a dry eye in the room.  I, seriously, have not felt that much *true* happiness in such a long time.  The feeling is indescribable.  Pure joy, hope and relief.  It felt like a little ray of light was finally able to break through the dark, heavy clouds of my grief.  For the first time in a long time I felt like everything was going to be okay.  It doesn't take away the worry or the fear of the worst happening again but it is nice to have a little spark of something miraculous back in our lives.

We left the appointment walking on air.  Of course as soon as I got into my car, I started crying again.  I just felt so thankful and so blessed right there in that moment.  So hopeful.  I looked up into the beautiful blue sky and sent Harper my love and told her how much I wish that she were here.  I thanked her, too because I know that she is the one who sent us this new hope.

To use my OB's words, "Harper is going to pave the way" and I believe that she is.

**edit** For anyone who may want to know, we are 8w2d today as of Pooh's measurements and 8w3d as of my dates.  Right on track!!

**another edit** I meant to include this on the original post but must have spaced out.  Thanks, Jen for requesting a photo of Pooh!

12 comments:

JenJen said...

Yay! I'm glad the appointment exceeded all your expectations!

Now, find a way of putting Pooh's ultrasound pics on your blog :) Please and thank you!

Dana said...

I am so, so happy for you! I can just imagine how scary that first ultrasound was, how the fear of another blighted ovum would be overwhelming. I have tears of happiness for you. I love that your OB said that Harper is paving the way. She is. I hope that the feelings of joy and hope help to counter the feelings of fear. Your grief for Harper will always be there. Pooh Bear's home was also her home and they are connected.

Tiffany said...

such.amazing.news!

Ava's mummy said...

Oh wow, what a beautiful post and what a truly lovely thing to say about Harper paving the way. She is one special girlie indeed.

rebecca said...

So thrilled to hear this news!!! What a fantastic memory and moment of pure joy! Sending so much love and continued hope your way that things only move forward smoothly with this pregnancy!

Glo said...

Beautiful :)

Caroline said...

Look at that bitty, little Pooh Bear! can't wait to "see" him again in a few weeks! I'm SO happy you and Chris had such a good appointment and that your tears are happy tears. I love what your OB said and Harper sure will pave the way - for you, Chris, and the family she will always be part of.

Olivia's Mom said...

I'm SO glad things went so well at your appointment!! And look at that sweet little Pooh Bear...I can't wait to see more pictures after your future appointments! :)

Sheri said...

Congratulations! I'm SO happy for you! Enjoy this happy time!

Drew's Parents said...

I love what your OB said about Harper paving the way <3 How sweet! I am so thrilled for you and happy to hear that little Pooh Bear is active and thriving! I understand your fears. I have been in tears before several appointments just sure we were about to hear bad news. I am here for you, sending you positive thoughts and loving well wishes! <3 <3 <3

Molly King said...

Sending you best wishes on your sweet Pooh Bear!

Jennifer said...

I know this is waaayy late but lemme say this, "Grow! Pooh Bear, Grow!" Glad everything is looking well. Oh let me cheer on Pooh Bear again, "Grow! Pooh Bear, Grow! I'm sure Harper's cheerleading it up there in Heaven, too. (^_^) <3

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