Ray of Light

Yesterday was a really good day!  I had my first "official" appointment with my OB and it went so much better than I had been planning.  I had it all played out in my head, so sure that I would receive some sort of bad news.  I had myself worked into such a tizzy that I almost threw up right before my appointment.  Luckily, I was greeted with big smiles and hugs when I got to the doctor's office as I met Chris and his Mom there.  I am glad that they were there to hold my hand as I am sure I would have been even more of a basket case had I been alone.

I braced myself for the ultrasound since the last time I was in this particular office and ultrasound room was when we got the news of our blighted ovum.  Bad memories.  Thankfully, that room redeemed itself.  Before I could even see anything on the screen I heard cries of joy, apparently my OB has quick eyes.  We saw our little Pooh Bear dancing around a bit on the screen and heard that most amazing sound, our baby's heartbeat!  At a very healthy rate of 167, it was music to my ears!!  Everyone was cheering and there wasn't a dry eye in the room.  I, seriously, have not felt that much *true* happiness in such a long time.  The feeling is indescribable.  Pure joy, hope and relief.  It felt like a little ray of light was finally able to break through the dark, heavy clouds of my grief.  For the first time in a long time I felt like everything was going to be okay.  It doesn't take away the worry or the fear of the worst happening again but it is nice to have a little spark of something miraculous back in our lives.

We left the appointment walking on air.  Of course as soon as I got into my car, I started crying again.  I just felt so thankful and so blessed right there in that moment.  So hopeful.  I looked up into the beautiful blue sky and sent Harper my love and told her how much I wish that she were here.  I thanked her, too because I know that she is the one who sent us this new hope.

To use my OB's words, "Harper is going to pave the way" and I believe that she is.

**edit** For anyone who may want to know, we are 8w2d today as of Pooh's measurements and 8w3d as of my dates.  Right on track!!

**another edit** I meant to include this on the original post but must have spaced out.  Thanks, Jen for requesting a photo of Pooh!