19 weeks

Tomorrow I will be 19 weeks pregnant and it is almost hard to believe it is really happening sometimes.  Time seems to be going by pretty fast so far in this pregnancy and as much as I am thankful for that, I also feel I want to slow the clock a little in order to give us more time to enjoy this little girl while I know that she is safe.   

We had our anatomy scan yesterday and boy was I a nervous wreck.   It started out a little rough for me since this was the same office and exam room that we had Harper's anatomy scan in exactly a year ago (Harper's was on April 22, 2010...I just realized this).  It brought back so many memories of that naive and blissful time when I couldn't imagine anything going wrong in my pregnancy and reminded me that so much can go wrong and that I have no control over the situation.  I was also reminded that I don't enjoy being a patient, at all.  I felt incredibly vulnerable sitting in that dark, quiet exam room on a stretcher covered in a white sheet waiting for the fate of my child to be revealed to me.  I would much rather be on the care giving end, that is for sure.  

The nurse who interviewed me was very kind.  Answering the "how many living children do you have" question is always difficult for me.  I guess I should be getting used to it by now but I am not and I don't think I ever will get used to saying that I have a daughter who passed away shortly after her birth.  It is just not natural.  Saying it out loud is just so hard especially being in the hospital setting.  It just takes me back, I suppose, and brings a flood of memories and emotions over me.  

Once our interview was done and my vitals had been taken she went out to get Chris so we could get started.  Once Chris was sitting in the chair next to me my nerves calmed a bit but he said my eyes were so wide and that I was "white knuckling" the whole time.  I suppose I was, I just wanted to know that everything was ok and that our girl was/is healthy.  Thankfully, she looked perfect!  She was so wiggly that it took the nurse a bit longer than I think she would have liked to get all of Pooh's measurements, which was fine with me since that was more time that we got to see our precious girl!

Holding her hand up by her face like one of Charlie's Angels :)

Our precious Pooh baby.

Very cool 3-D image of Pooh's face with her hands up by her chin where she kept them for most of the ultrasound.  

Despite my fears and worry, yesterday turned out to be such a great day!  It was wonderful to see our very active little girl growing just as she should.  I feel so hopeful and thankful right now and hope with all of my heart that we will bringing this healthy baby girl home safe, sound and breathing this September.