Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Weepy

I am feeling so weepy tonight.  I am not sure what is different but I have seriously been crying all day.  I decided to go out shopping this afternoon, which apparently was a mistake.  Every time I turned a corner I saw a "baby's first Christmas this" or a "baby's first Christmas that".  I went into Hallmark to buy my nephew a Christmas ornament...not a baby's first Christmas ornament but I found a cute Noah's Ark ornament (his name is Noah).  I want so badly to be a good Aunt to him but I feel so broken.  I am trying my best.  There was a sweet Grandma in Hallmark buying out their supply of Baby ornaments.  *sigh* I wish Harper's Grandparents could do that this year.  I strolled by the Willow Tree figurines and there was a Guardian Angel figurine that was a red haired angel (Harper) helping a little boy (Noah) take his first steps and that did it --  there I was, boo who-ing in Hallmark.  The lady checking me out didn't seem too bothered by my wet eyes -- well, she does work at Hallmark, maybe she is used to women crying in her store.  I tried to cheer myself up by stopping at Starbucks for a chai tea latte.  Yes, it was tasty but I still bawled all the way home, seriously, it was like the early days when I used to cry and scream in my car.  I didn't scream in my car today but you get what I mean.

When I got home, I was greeted by a FedEx package at my door.  My sweet Mom sent me a beautiful memorial blanket for Harper.  It has her pictures on it and all of the sayings from her Abiding Hope Collage.

It was so nice to come home to that.  I called Mom to thank her and she said that her thought process behind sending us the blanket was that we could take Harper with us wherever we go.  Today Harper's blanket dried her Mommy's tears.

I have been an emotional wreck today...I hope tomorrow is a little easier.

10 comments:

Olivia's Mom said...

Oh, Rhiannon...I'm sorry today was so rough! You're one brave woman to hit a Hallmark store during this season. Such a wonderful aunt Noah has! And what an amazing gift given by your mom! I would never want to let go. Lots of hugs!!!!

Jessica said...

I hope tomorrow is easier too. And I agree you are mad brave to go into Hallmark this time of year! Gessh! That is one AMAZING GIFT! (((hugs)))

Jennifer said...

Big HUGS to you, Rhiannon. It's tough out there especially this holiday season. I went out to run some errands today, too, dropped Tobi to the groomers and went to Michael's to pass the time and I suddenly got the feeling, "What the hell am I doing here? I should be home with my son." And I became teary-eyed. It really magnifies how much we miss our children.

You are a wonderful aunt. And Harper has wonderful grandparents. I hope tomorrow will be gentler on you. <3 <3 <3

Drew's Parents said...

I am so sorry that yesterday was so difficult. <3 It is nice when those tough days can end on a better note. What a lovely surprise from your mom and a beautiful idea! Your mom is so incredibly thoughtful! Do you think you might post pictures of the blanket? I would love to see it. I am sending you big hugs and am hoping today is a gentler one for you. Lots of love <3 <3 <3

Dana said...

Sending you huge hugs. I hope that today is better than yesterday. The days when the tears won't stop and everything seems so fresh are so hard. I had one the other day. I would have been in tears in Hallmark too. I try to avoid malls in general since I always see at least one pregnant woman and a baby boy who is the same age Jacob should be.

I love the blanket. I love how it arrived on a particularly hard day. Makes me think that Harper had something to do with that. The blanket sounds just beautiful. It was so sweet of your Mom to do that.

xoxo

Dana said...

I would love to see pictures of the blanket too!

Tiffany said...

((hugs)) i'm so sorry. i know the feeling of bursting out in tears very well. it's a daily occurence for me. but it's so sweet that Harper was there to dry your eyes. ♥

Melissa said...

Hoping today is a better day. HUGS to you!

retrohanson said...
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butterflymom said...

Oh, hun...I'm so sorry I didn't see this post sooner. I am hoping for better days ahead for you. Just keep taking it one day at a time... You have been so strong, Rhiannon, and you will continue to be that way. I know it. Hold onto the support you have through people like your mom and fellow BLMs. We will always be here for you. Hugs, sweetie...lots of them.

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