Weepy

I am feeling so weepy tonight.  I am not sure what is different but I have seriously been crying all day.  I decided to go out shopping this afternoon, which apparently was a mistake.  Every time I turned a corner I saw a "baby's first Christmas this" or a "baby's first Christmas that".  I went into Hallmark to buy my nephew a Christmas ornament...not a baby's first Christmas ornament but I found a cute Noah's Ark ornament (his name is Noah).  I want so badly to be a good Aunt to him but I feel so broken.  I am trying my best.  There was a sweet Grandma in Hallmark buying out their supply of Baby ornaments.  *sigh* I wish Harper's Grandparents could do that this year.  I strolled by the Willow Tree figurines and there was a Guardian Angel figurine that was a red haired angel (Harper) helping a little boy (Noah) take his first steps and that did it --  there I was, boo who-ing in Hallmark.  The lady checking me out didn't seem too bothered by my wet eyes -- well, she does work at Hallmark, maybe she is used to women crying in her store.  I tried to cheer myself up by stopping at Starbucks for a chai tea latte.  Yes, it was tasty but I still bawled all the way home, seriously, it was like the early days when I used to cry and scream in my car.  I didn't scream in my car today but you get what I mean.

When I got home, I was greeted by a FedEx package at my door.  My sweet Mom sent me a beautiful memorial blanket for Harper.  It has her pictures on it and all of the sayings from her Abiding Hope Collage.

It was so nice to come home to that.  I called Mom to thank her and she said that her thought process behind sending us the blanket was that we could take Harper with us wherever we go.  Today Harper's blanket dried her Mommy's tears.

I have been an emotional wreck today...I hope tomorrow is a little easier.