Wednesday, August 25, 2010

2 Months

Dearest Harper,

Good morning my sweet angel. It has been 2 months today that we had to say goodbye to you. These have been the worst 2 months of my life. I wish that you were still here with me and your Daddy. We miss you so much. These months have been so hard but I would go through all of this pain and hurt all over again if this is the only way I was meant to be your Mom. I would relive all of it if I could just hold you one more time, if I could just have more time to tell you and show you how much I love you. More time to kiss your sweet face.

It still feels like it was yesterday that I was feeling you wiggle around in my tummy. We had so many dreams for you, little girl. The months that I spent with you, caring for you and nurturing you inside my tummy were the best months of my life. You brought me and your Daddy so much love and happiness. You were and always will be our little miracle.

I am so sorry that I couldn't give you life here on earth. I feel like I failed you. I still wonder if there was something else that we could have done to save you. It's just so hard to believe that you are gone. It still feels like yesterday that I was holding you in my arms for what would be the last time. Life is so cruel and unfair sometimes. Death is so final. I am not ready for final.

I miss you so much. There isn't a minute that goes by that I don't think about you. Everyday, no matter what I am doing or how I am feeling, you are here with me.



My heart is just so heavy today, it feels like I can't breathe without you. A few dragonflies have floated by me this morning. The big green one that always drops by for a quick hello and a teeny tiny one flew by me this morning and hung out for awhile. Thank you for sending them, they made me think of you and smile. Happy 2 months in Heaven, I know it must be wonderful there.

I love you so much, my Harper Grace...

Always,

your Mom

6 comments:

Glo said...

Sending hugs. So glad your little Harper gave you a sign on this day especially.

Melissa said...

Thinking of you...these month marks are hard aren't they? I wonder when we'll stop passing these marks with heavy hearts? I have to admit I'm looking forward to that.

Olivia's Mom said...

Many thoughts going out to you on this day. As if each day isn't hard enough, I feel as though the monthly markers are worse. I hope that you two are able to have a peaceful night as you remember your sweet baby girl.

Dana said...

A beautiful letter to your beautiful little girl. I know she knows how much you love and miss her.

I have also thought that I would live through everything again if I could just hold Jacob one more time, kiss him one more time.

The questions on if we could have done more to save our babies will probably never leave, even though we know intellectually that we couldn't have done anything and that we didn't cause our babies to die.

I love that Harper sent you some signs on her 2 month anniversary.

Jennifer said...

Remembering little Harper with you. I'm sorry that she's not here. But she knows she is so loved and missed by you.

Emmy said...

Just sending you love, Rhiannon. ((hugs))

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