Sunday, August 1, 2010

It's August and I miss you...

Dear Harper,

I can't believe that August is here. Time seems to be flying by and going at a snails pace since you grew your Angel wings. It is already 100 degrees on the back porch and rising. You and I were not a good match with the heat in June, I am most certain that we would really be hating it now. We would have endured it with a smile though...nothing a little A/C wouldn't fix:) I should have been almost 32 weeks pregnant with you today, kind of weird that I am not. Kind of like it was all a dream. I know that it wasn't though. You are more real than anything has ever been. You were and still are my dream come true, my most precious gift.

I still wake up every morning and in my fog between asleep and awake, I feel for a moment that I am still pregnant with you. The mornings have been pretty hard on me. I guess I keep wishing that one of these mornings I will wake up and realize that this was all one big nightmare. Unfortunately, that has not been the case and it seems like the mornings just thrust me back into my reality without you.

I have been sleeping with the Piglet doll that your Daddy and I bought for you the day we found out you were a girl. That was such a happy day for us. I always smile when I think of that day. It was a Saturday morning and I was 16 weeks pregnant. Your Daddy and I decided that we couldn't wait the 5 days until our next ultrasound to find out if you were a boy or a girl. We had to know NOW! I called Baby Waves and asked if they could squeeze us in. Reluctantly, the woman on the phone said if we could be there in 20 min, she would do it. We scrambled around so fast to get out of the house and made it....surprising, since we really didn't know where we were going. I remember seeing you on that screen, wiggling around and waving your hands at us. You were moving your mouth a lot too, we were joking that you would be a trouble maker since you were talking back already. Then the ultrasound tech handed your Daddy a mounds candy bar (the one without the nuts) and said, "No nuts on this kid, Dad"...adult humor! :) You were our baby girl!!! I couldn't wait to start shopping for you, shopping for little girls is so much fun! You had your Daddy wrapped around your little finger from the start. That day he told me, "you know, she will never be able to do any wrong"...I knew you would be his little princess....two peas in a pod. That made me so happy.

I know that you are with us everyday, I can feel you. Every dragon fly I see makes me smile because I know that it is you giving me a sign, telling me you love me and that you are ok. I see tons of them and I love that! I feel closest to you when I snuggle with your Piglet doll at night. It never leaves my arms and it brings me so much comfort. It makes me feel like I am right next to you. Don't worry, I will take good care of Piglet until we are together again.

I hope that you are having a good day, today...I know that you must be. I don't know if you can get a sunburn in heaven; but just in case, don't forget to put on some sunscreen.

I miss you so much every second and I love you with all of my heart.

All my love,
Mommy

2 comments:

Angela said...

I am glad you have such sweet memories of Harper. This letter is beautiful. I love the last bit about sunscreen - you will always be thinking of your precious girl.

Tiffany said...

awwww.. I read your blogs everyday. They are truly beautiful! I cry every second of every word. You are one amazing mother and I admire you so so much for that <3 I am always thinking of you and sweet baby Harper.

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