Tuesday, August 3, 2010


This weekend hubby and I went out for sushi and drinks. By the way, neither of which should be anywhere near my lips right now. Anyway, we had a great night, eating, drinking, laughing. It felt so good to get out and enjoy myself. The sadness did creep in every now and then, whenever a family with a baby in a carrier would walk in the restaurant or when the cute little blonde toddler was waddling around. I tried really hard to keep my focus on not dwelling and I did pretty good.

The neighboring restaurant had live music, so we walked over to check it out. There was a guy playing piano and singing. He was good, not too loud but loud enough. We happened to be sitting at a table right by his wife and friends and got to talking to them. After a little small talk she asked me a question and an important one..."Do you guys have children?" Without even thinking twice, I said, "Yes, we have a daughter but she is in heaven now." A short and truthful answer and I am sure that was not the answer she was looking for...she looked pretty uncomfortable and quickly changed the subject.

Mind you, I was not happy of the answer I had to give but I was happy to give it. Does that make sense? The point is: We do have a daughter, a daughter that we love so much and we are so proud of who lives in heaven now. I would give anything if my answer could have been, "Yes, we do, a one month old baby girl." But that is not the case and I was so happy that I got to acknowledge my little one. Even if it made the lady uncomfortable...I didn't really care because I got to talk about my daughter out in public with a complete stranger. I will continue to do so. I will never hide it. I am sure there are people who think that you just don't talk about things like this, that you should just move on. I will never move on. I am sure it would have been easier to say, "no", nothing to explain with that answer. How could I say, "no"? I don't care if I have to make millions of people uncomfortable for the next 100 years, I will talk about my child. She deserves that, she was a living, human being - not just a figment of my imagination. A sweet little girl who was taken too soon. A baby with a family who wanted her so much and have so much love for her. Harper deserves to have her story told.


Glo said...

Absolutely....I feel very much the same. Talking about and recognizing my baby keeps his memory alive, recognizes that he was here and that he was mine, even if his time was much to short.

CrazyOldLadies@gmail.com said...

Hey Rhi, this is Emily. Y'know, from Solano and VHS!? Anyway, I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. I can't even imagine. I absolutely LOVE the name that you chose for your baby girl and I have been reading your blog everyday. This post really touched me- it is so true. You do have a baby girl. Shout it out and don't worry about what other's may say/think/feel. You don't need to 'get over' this. I think about you and pray for you and your hubby every night. Just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you.

Melissa said...

I agree! I love talking about my kids and that includes the one in heaven. I know to some people its uncomfortable, but she always tends to come into the conversation, I make sure of it! Strangers ask about her footprints that are on my wrist a lot. Most think that it's painful to talk about when the truth is I love talking about her and letting people know that she existed. Lots of hugs to you!

rebecca said...

I could not agree more, my husband and I have also responded in this same manner with strangers...most have the same type of response, but like you said I don't care. I refuse to deny my daughter & not acknowledge her life. I'm so glad I came across your blog, saw you on babycenter. I lost my daughter only a couple of days after you lost Harper.

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