Sunday, October 17, 2010

Field of Dreams

I had a dream about Harper last night.  I rarely dream about her.

I was walking by myself along a path in a field surrounded by a thick forest of trees.  As I was walking, I heard the voice of a little girl yell out, "Mooooommmmyyy".  I started to looked around for someone else...some other mommy.  Then I realized it was her, my sweet angel.  A ginger haired little girl of about 4 or 5 came running out of the woods as fast as she could toward me, her mommy.  She had her curly hair pulled back in two barrettes and she was wearing a white dress to her knees.  I scooped her up and hugged her so tightly and I swung her around and around.

Then I woke up.  I tried so hard to go back to sleep.  Tried and tried.  I wanted more.  More dream that included me and Harper together.  Of course because I was trying so hard it just woke me up more.  I just lay in bed sobbing.  I miss her so much.

I have relived that dream in my head so many times today.  Feeling happy and sad.  Happy because Harper was paying her Mama a visit and I got to see her, hear her voice, hug her.  Sad because the only way we will ever be able to visit with each other is in my dreams.  It has me wondering if I will ever be called 'Mommy' in real life.  Will I ever hear the sweet sound of a child's voice call out for me?

Trust in dreams, for in them is the hidden gate to eternity.  
Kahlil Gibran


7 comments:

Glo said...

What a beautiful dream.

Andrea said...

Such a beautiful dream. Brought tears to my eyes. I've had a couple dreams of Oliver and he has always been around 4 or 5 too. They are so special and amazing images to always hold on to when we have so little. I hope that your rainbow baby comes soon and soon someone will be calling you 'Mommy' Thinking of you! Hugs.

Jennifer said...

That's such a wonderful dream, seeing your Harper and hearing her call you, "Mommy". What a precious gift. I haven't dreamed of Kai older but I'm hoping I would someday. Hold onto that dream, I think it promises something good coming your way. Sending you love and hugs. And more sweet dreams of your dear baby girl. <3

butterflymom said...

What a wonderful dream...and post. As Jennifer said, hold onto that dream. What an amazing but heartbreaking feeling. I can only imagine how much you hope to get back to that dream sometime soon. Hugs to you, my friend.

Dana said...

Wow, what a beautiful dream. I can understand how it was comforting and sad. I've been waiting for a dream like this, but haven't had one.

You will be called Mommy in real life one day, you will.

Olivia's Mom said...

What a wonderful dream! I hope that Harper arrives in your dreams again soon. :)

Drew's Parents said...

What a beautiful post and powerful dream. I love that your little girl visited you in your dreams, but I understand how painful waking up from that joy must have been. I hope that you will one day hear "mommy" from your Earth children as well. The quote from Gibran is just perfect. Sending you hugs and love <3

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