Sunday, October 3, 2010

Balloons For Harper

As most of you know, Thursday was Harper's due date.  I just wanted to extend my thanks to all who emailed, texted, sent cards and gifts. The fact that so many remembered her due date is truly beyond words.  Your thoughtfulness has been a gift.  Thank you so much for your love and kindness on such a tearful day.

The weather was beautiful on Thursday.  It was a crisp, cool, partly sunny fall day.  I thought that it might rain and actually thought a gloomy day would have been appropriate considering the sadness in our hearts.  But I am glad that it turned out to be a lovely day to honor our daughter.  It was perfect.

We knew it would be an emotional day so Chris and I took the day off work just to be together and remember our little girl.  We decided to do a balloon release in our backyard by Harper's dogwood tree.  We released six pink balloons.  We spelled out H-A-R-P-E-R; one letter on each balloon and wrote a little note to her on one of the balloons.  The sky was dark as we released Harper's balloons and soon after we set them sailing the dark clouds floated away and the sun peaked out for a bit.  It was like she was smiling down on us, not wanting us to be so sad.




One got away early


There they go...flying high

Floating away...


Considering the circumstances, I think we did pretty well.  I am not sure how this grief process will work now that I am no longer supposed to be pregnant.  I am trying desperately to find some peace but the last couple of days have been hard.  We should be moving on to the next phase of parenting.  Moving on from pregnancy milestones to growth and development milestones.  Now we are supposed to be sleep deprived, smitten parents to a brand new baby girl.  Next year, should be-parents to a baby that is starting to crawl, walk, talk, etc.  Instead we are parents who continue to work through our grief.  Putting one foot in front of the other.  Just trying to figure out how to exist in this life without her.

8 comments:

butterflymom said...

((hugs)) Wishing your due date day would have been different, but I do like the idea of Harper smiling down on you from Heaven after you sent the balloons up to her. Lots of love, hun.

rebecca said...

What a beautiful way to honor Harper. Glad you were there together, I'm sure that would make her happy ((hugs)) my friend.

Dana said...

I love the balloons. I'm sure that Harper was smiling down on you.

You are doing so well. You are moving onto a whole new set of challenges and it will be so hard. Now it may be hard to see babies, but not so hard to see pregnant women (or maybe that doesn't go away). I'm sorry that you are on this journey, but I'm glad we've met. Harper is always on my mind.

Melissa said...

Beautiful pics. I hope our babies can see us from Heaven and see how much they are loved. I do believe that they can. I'm right there with you in learning how to live without her though, I feel the same way.

Andrea said...

Such a beautiful way to honor Harper. I'm sure she was smiling down. I hope the next months are gentle as you start your new journey. I'm anxious to pass my due date and wonder what the new feeling will be like. I'm right behind you as are so many other women, supporting and always thinking of you and Harper.

Jessica said...

Beautiful balloons and garden! (((hugs))) to you on this hard journey! Walking with you... <3

Drew's Parents said...

How beautiful! Harper must be so proud of her mommy and daddy. I imagine she was watching over you and admiring the garden and balloons. I am sending you loving thoughts as you begin this next phase of the grieving process. My heart is with you and precious Harper <3

Jennifer said...

What a wonderful way to send Harper your love. The photo of those pink balloons in the dark cloud brings such a stark contrast. It's such a bittersweet day. Glad to know you guys were able to do it in her honor. I'm sure Harper loved it. (((hugs)))

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