Healing...Freedom....Peace....Full Circle
2 years ago
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Invitation
Today I received an invitation in the mail for a baby shower. A baby shower that is a week before Harper's due date. A baby shower for a baby girl and I don't want to go. I am friends with the Mommy of honor but not really close, I doubt she would even miss me. I just don't think I can do it. I know that it is selfish but I am just not interested in 'oohing and aahing' over all of the sweet baby clothes and the beautiful baby bump. I am truly happy for the Mommy and really wish her and her baby girl well. But it would be sheer torture for me to have to sit through that and it wouldn't be fair to her. I should probably be able to handle something like this by now but I don't think I can. It is just another reminder of all that we have lost.
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8 comments:
I wouldn't stress it. I'm sure she would understand. I haven't been able to go to baby showers for quite awhile, as they always seem to be right after a loss. Instead, prior to the baby shower, I would always meet with the mommy-to-be and give her my gift when it's just the two of us. That seemed to work out.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Things like this can be so hard sometimes. :(
If it's too difficult, don't go. Shed the probably should and the worries about being selfish. Baby showers are hard, seeing pregnant women is hard, and it makes sense you wouldn't want to go. Thank your friend for thinking of you, and inviting you, and then respectfully decline the invitation.
I can't imagine how it wouldn't be hard. I certainly hope the mommy to be will understand the reasons for why you just can't be there.
Maybe send a gift with a mutual friend....or chip in with another attendee to pick up a gift on your behalf.
I don't think it is selfish it all, it's called self preservation and I too would find that entirely too difficult. You can always order a gift on line and have it sent to her if you feel you need to get something. Otherwise do not feel guilty you need to be gentle with yourself & I'm sure she would understand.
I went to my sister's baby shower yesterday. Had it been anyone else, there's no way I would have done it. It was very, very, very difficult. By the end of the day I was so emotionally exhausted from fighting the urge to cry that I just collapsed. My bed was my refuge. lol
Definitely don't push it if you don't have to. We have to do what's best for us. Unfortunately, people tend to forget our loss(es), and don't understand why these types of events are so hard on us.
Do what is best for you and if that is to not go, then don't go. I have been invited to 2 baby showers since Bailey's death, and I haven't been to either one. Actually in the 4 years of us ttc, 2 miscarriages, and Bailey's death, I have only been to 2 baby showers. One was my sister's and the other was for a friend at work. I always send a gift card to one of their registered places if I don't go. That keeps me from having to be in the baby section, so that helps my sanity a little bit.
So, do for you. Others will understand, and if they don't, then it's probably best not to be there anyways.
Personally, I wouldn't be able to handle it. I was at a waterpark the other day and saw some 1.5-2 year old boys, and 2 boys named Jacob, and was in tears. At least I could hide it here, it would be much harder at a baby shower. I don't think anyone will blame you if you don't go, I think everyone will be understanding.
I'm surprised you got an invitation!
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