Harper's lesson

True happiness is such a blessing and seems a tough emotion to come by these days. You know, the happy that you can see in the brightness of your eyes and in the wideness of your smile. I am having more happy moments lately but it is like there is always sadness looming under the surface. I have a happy moment of laughter and somewhere inside me I feel a little guilty for it. I wonder how can I ever be truly happy and fulfilled when something so important is missing and always will be.

All of my life I have been what you consider a "happy person", always smiling, always in a good mood. I just felt like I was such a lucky person and I had such a blessed life. I felt especially blessed when we finally got pregnant with Harper, it was the perfectly sweet icing on our cake! I felt like we had it all. Two people who loved each other so much were finally going to be parents to a perfect baby girl! Life was so good.

Then the unimaginable happened, we lost our sweet daughter and all of the dreams we had for her. When tragedy happens, it changes you. And the way it changes everyone is different. I think we all have the power to determine how it will change us, some become bitter and some try to live a better life. I have chosen the latter. That doesn't mean I am not angry or bitter about my circumstances at times. But through Harper, I am learning to see past the anger. Even though she is not here and for that I am sad, she still fills my heart with so much love and she makes me so happy. I am so proud to be her Mom.

I think the most important lesson Harper taught me is how short and precious life really is. We take so many things for granted just assuming that life will give us what we expect. I have learned that nothing should be taken for granted and that you really don't know what is around the next corner. Every minute is so special because we really don't know how long we will be blessed to live on this earth or how long the people that we love will be here.

Harper is helping me to find that true happiness again. It comes in the most unlikely places, a dragon fly on a flower or a beautiful landscape. I feel like these are little signs that she is sending me, telling me it is ok to find that happiness again. I know that she wants that for me and I want to honor her life, to live for her! I am working on it, I will never be the same person I was before I lost my little girl. I hope to become better.



True Happiness with my little girl! :) (Taken early June)