Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Labor Day and Rambling

Labor day weekend was nice. We went to the beach and saw lots of friends and family. I think for most people labor day always signifies the end of summer. For me, this is the end of a summer that I had a lot of other plans for. I had intended on being at a completely different spot in my life right now. I was going to be 37 weeks pregnant tomorrow...term and ready to deliver at any moment. This summer was going to be full of so much excitement and happiness for our coming baby. It turned out to be the worst summer of my life. I remember when we found out our due date for Harper, September 30th, everyone kept saying how miserable this summer would be for me because of the Georgia heat. This summer turned out to be a miserable one alright...a season of loss, sadness and survival.

Like I said, we saw some friends over the weekend. This was the first time seeing these particular friends since Harper died. Two different couples, plenty of opportunities and we never got one mention of Harper. No one even bothered to say they were sorry for our loss or asked how we were doing. I am floored by the insensitivity of people. We lost our daughter, she died and not one condolence. Both of the women are mothers so I at least expected something from them. NOPE! One of them even started talking about getting pregnant again and she really hoped it was a girl this time.

The usual response when I vent about someone not saying anything to me is, "well, people just don't know what to say." Well, say something. An "I'm sorry" is better than nothing. I understand that death makes people uncomfortable, I get that, but it is still nice to know that people care. Maybe people figure that since it has been 2.5 months that we are 'over it' or something and that's why they don't say a word. Harper is my daughter and her death doesn't change that. She is gone and I will miss everyday of my life.

Seeing family was wonderful, we had a blast. I saw my brother's girlfriend, who is 8 months pregnant, and it went well. We talked and hugged and cried. I know that her seeing me was probably as hard as me seeing her, maybe harder. She told me how sorry she was and that we were supposed to be going through this together. It would have been so neat having our little ones only a month apart in age. Instead my baby nephew will have a guardian angel watching over him.

Even though it still feels like summer, I am glad that fall is on her way. The leaves have started to change a little and the nights are getting cooler. As a few other bloggers have said, I am hoping this fall will be a season of change and healing that we all need so much.


4 comments:

Olivia's Mom said...

I'm sorry that your friends failed to make any mention of Harper. I think that's more painful than hearing them say the wrong thing. I wish they would've shown more compassion. :(

I'm glad you had a good time with family though, and that things went well with seeing your brother's girlfriend! I'm sure that was hard, but it sounds like it went well. So impressed by your strength!

Here's to a season of good things to come! :)

Jennifer said...

As other BLMs wrote in their blogs, with this grief we'll know who are true friends really are. While some will really mean well and want to help you but they just don't know how, others will definitely not acknowledge that you've lost your baby. And it's not that they don't know about it or just forgot about it, they just simply avoid the subject altogether. It's sad that people can be insensitive that way. I'm sorry your friends didn't say anything about your loss or about Harper. They won't ever understand your loss unless they go through it themselves. :(

But it's good that your family brought you comfort, especially your brother's girlfriend. It was nice of her to acknowledge your loss. But you're right, a new season, a new lease on life. I hope the change will be healing on all of us.

Melissa said...

I am right there with you with all of it. We went to a family reunion this week and barely a mention of Mikayla. It makes me so sad and angry! I try to understand, but it's hard. Do they really think that by saying nothing it helps? We are thinking about our babies all the time anyways and not saying anything at all just hurts more.

I am ready for this summer of sadness to be behind us though. Definitely not the way I planned on my summer turning out that's for sure. Hopefully this new season will bring some positive changes for all of us. =)

Michelle said...

I expirienced the same insensitivity over the weekend. I went to visit my dad and step-mom and all she could do was complain that her and my dad each had to work one day of the holiday weekend. Last year we were all sitting in the hospital on Labor Day weekend...how did that NOT cross her mind? And I left thinking, "Why did I bite my tongue from saying, better than being in the hospital about to lose a baby."
My dad's side of the family is really good at not acknowledging our loss-and you're right it hurts! I've also had friends who took MONTHS to say anything, however, those friends didn't spend hours or weekends where there was plenty of opportunity. I'm sorry you-like so many of us- are expiriencing the lack of support from your real life friends. I'm finding that there are people popping up in my life who weren't close to me before who are being the friends I expected those who used to be closer to be. I hope those who are willing to stand beside you find you too. xxxx

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