Thursday, September 30, 2010

A Day That Wasn't Meant To Be...

My Sweet Harper,

Today was supposed to be the day that we 'met' each other, face to face, for the first time, your official due date.  Instead, it has already been three months and five days since we had to say good bye to each other. You were with us for six months and now you have been gone for three. Three months may seem like an insignificant amount of time to most people but it has felt like a lifetime to me; it has been exactly half of your lifetime.

 Three months that I have missed you so much more than I could ever put into words. Even though you were only with us for six short months, I feel like I have known and loved you my whole life. I have loved you my whole life. I have loved the dream of you, my baby. And I will continue to love you for the rest of my days.

I don't know how I could ever feel complete in this life without you.  You will always be the one that is missing from my life.  I am so sorry that today was a day that wasn't meant to be for us.  I am sorry that we won't ever be together again in this lifetime.  I am so sorry that I couldn't mother you here, on earth.  I really wish I would have had the chance to know every little detail about you.  I will always wish that I could have shown you everything and given you more love and attention than you probably could stand.  We got cheated of so many things, you and I.  More importantly, you got cheated of life.  You would have had such a beautiful life here with me and your Daddy.  I know because I have imagined it so many times.

I want you to know that if ever a brother or sister comes along and I really hope they do, we will always be missing you.  No matter how much we would love your brother or  sister, please know that it will take nothing away from the love we have for you.  You will never be forgotten.  You are entwined in our hearts and our family tree.  You will always be our first born, our oldest daughter.  That is a special gift that no one can ever take away, not even by death.  I will always have the Harper that lives on in my dreams and in a very special place in my heart.

You live on here baby, right inside of me...always.  I love you, Harper.


All my love forever and ever,
your Mom

10 comments:

Drew's Parents said...

This is such a beautiful letter to your precious daughter. Your loving words to Harper brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry that you are not holding your sweet baby today like things should have been. I love what you said about Harper's place in your family. She will always be with you, safe and loved in your heart. I am thinking about you today and sending you support, hugs, and love. <3 <3 <3

Tiki said...

The due date was hard for me too. You are right about feeling cheated, we were all cheated. It is not fair at all. You should be holding your precious baby girl today. Thinking of you and Harper today. ((HUGS))

Andrea said...

So beautiful and brought tears to my eyes. Thinking of you today. You are a wonderful mother to Harper, if only it could be here on Earth. Thinking of you and Harper today and always. Love and hugs!

Melissa said...

Beautiful! Thinking of you today.

Jessica said...

Such a heartfelt letter to your beautiful Harper! The due date was especially hard for me too. Riley's due date was 3 days ago... what a small world that our babies were due so close to the same date. I know our babies will always have a place in our lives. That gives me hope. I know that Harper must feel very loved as she looks down on you... (((hugs))) <3

Jennifer said...

Such a lovely letter for Harper. You put to words exactly how we all feel - we were cheated, our children were cheated. And it just screams of unfairness and injustice that it hurts deep inside. But you are also right, our babies live on within us and their memory will always fill us with love. I'm sure Harper would be proud of having parents like you guys. Here's to remembering your precious little girl with you today. (((hugs)))

Michelle said...

Thinking of you and beautiful Harper Grace (((hugs)))

rebecca said...

Such a beautiful letter filled with love and heartache. Thinking of you & Harper today, abiding with you & giving honor to her memory. Much love my friend.

Emily said...

Your last line is perfect. That's exactly the way I feel about Aidan. He lives on here, in my heart. Forever. Much love to you and your husband on this day.

butterflymom said...

Rhiannon,
I'm hoping so much that you are finding some peace now that Harper's due date has passed. You deserve it, hun. Please know that I continue to think about you today and always...

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