Balloons For Harper

As most of you know, Thursday was Harper's due date.  I just wanted to extend my thanks to all who emailed, texted, sent cards and gifts. The fact that so many remembered her due date is truly beyond words.  Your thoughtfulness has been a gift.  Thank you so much for your love and kindness on such a tearful day.

The weather was beautiful on Thursday.  It was a crisp, cool, partly sunny fall day.  I thought that it might rain and actually thought a gloomy day would have been appropriate considering the sadness in our hearts.  But I am glad that it turned out to be a lovely day to honor our daughter.  It was perfect.

We knew it would be an emotional day so Chris and I took the day off work just to be together and remember our little girl.  We decided to do a balloon release in our backyard by Harper's dogwood tree.  We released six pink balloons.  We spelled out H-A-R-P-E-R; one letter on each balloon and wrote a little note to her on one of the balloons.  The sky was dark as we released Harper's balloons and soon after we set them sailing the dark clouds floated away and the sun peaked out for a bit.  It was like she was smiling down on us, not wanting us to be so sad.

One got away early

There they go...flying high

Floating away...

Considering the circumstances, I think we did pretty well.  I am not sure how this grief process will work now that I am no longer supposed to be pregnant.  I am trying desperately to find some peace but the last couple of days have been hard.  We should be moving on to the next phase of parenting.  Moving on from pregnancy milestones to growth and development milestones.  Now we are supposed to be sleep deprived, smitten parents to a brand new baby girl.  Next year, should be-parents to a baby that is starting to crawl, walk, talk, etc.  Instead we are parents who continue to work through our grief.  Putting one foot in front of the other.  Just trying to figure out how to exist in this life without her.